• Emily Louise Perkins

There Was Only Morning

I had always betrayed God, even when I knew him. I’d been out here longing for the slow jam, the dark dance club, your wrists,

watch the way her left hip flicks when she dances and her ankle bracelet, the water ring on the bar, the wrong type glass for my cheap drink, a strangers arm, also wanting to be abandoned, press me, communal reckless night! We didn’t want to know each other, we just wanted to feel something easily, but this time there was no night.

There was only morning?

And the line went all the way back to the Methodist church, and he was singin’ to me about falling in love and I thought about falling, and the rainbow flags flew in the street, and the Queens beat their drums, and I did my best to walk along and behind. It was not time to abandon anything! It was time to say names. It was time to follow. And God was there. And the betrayal was a lie. It was just all the trying out there in the sweaty sunshine. It was just all the good, hard light.

  • Emily Louise Perkins

Updated: Sep 20, 2020

(This is meant to be said aloud quickly

sort of like a ball rolling down a hill)

I don’t know how to say it so I’ll just say it

You’ve captured me

I’m captured

And I know you don’t want me to say it but I’ll say it

You’ve trapped me

I cannot not think of you

I cannot not wake up thinking of you

I am in here and I cannot get out

And I do not want to get out

Let me say again that I do not want to get out

But if I wanted to

I couldn’t

Did you hear that

I do not have agency

I am not free in this

This costs me something

This is expensive

If I wanted to

I could not

I cannot

I am not free

If I was free I’d be free

If I was free I’d be missing

If I was free you’d be lost

And hear this please

By lost

Do I mean

I’d like to know what you think, actually

does lost mean

you’d be gone from me

or that I am your way?

I know what I'd want you to say

duck your head on the way in

the bars are cold

and touch me anywhere anytime

  • Emily Louise Perkins

Virtual people who are my friends


Ina Garten

the guy from Foodwishes DOT com

the creepy Foodgeek guy

A few 20-something Christian youtubers and their sisters

Shaun the Irish sourdough baker

workout girls who say keep going

Brene Brown