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  • Emily Louise Perkins

I don't know how to say it so I'll just say it


I don’t know how to say it so I’ll just say it

You’ve captured me

I’m captured

And I know you don’t want me to say it but I’ll say it

You’ve trapped me

I cannot not think of you

I cannot not wake up thinking of you

I am in here and I cannot get out

And I do not want to get out

Let me say again that I do not want to get out

But if I wanted to

I couldn’t

Did you hear that

I do not have agency

I am not free in this

This costs me something

This is expensive

If I wanted to

I could not

I cannot

I am not free

If I was free I’d be free

If I was free I’d be missing

If I was free you’d be lost

And hear this please

By lost

Do I mean

I’d like to know what you think, actually

does lost mean

you’d be gone from me

or that I am your way?


I know what I'd want you to say


duck your head on the way in

the bars are cold

and touch me anywhere anytime

  • Emily Louise Perkins

Virtual people who are my friends


Oprah

Ina Garten

the guy from Foodwishes DOT com

the creepy Foodgeek guy

A few 20-something Christian youtubers and their sisters

Shaun the Irish sourdough baker

workout girls who say keep going

Brene Brown

Iyanla


  • Emily Louise Perkins

Ten Cents


Second in line

lives in your pocket

she'll click when your knee aches

and jingle when you left-hand-jostle

to remind yourself she's there


her olive branch is

right next to her torch for you

and the Great Oak will remind her longing heart that even the most steadfast among us are cut down for a sideboard


She isn't first

if something happened you'd go for the dollar

she'd still sit, listening, imagining your face

waiting for your fingers


for even tarnished you know her shape

and can imagine, in your mind from the hospital bed

she's bright and shining like the first day you earned her

you look over at your pants folded neatly on the blue-backed sterile chair

did she fall out

or is she still there


you will not know unless you reach for her


again

© 2023 by EMILYLOUISEPERKINS